Stop Telling Preschoolers to Take Turns and Share!
“Take Turns!” “Share!” “If you don’t share or take turns with that toy, I’m putting it away!”
These are words, phrases and statements heard so often in preschool classrooms.
Teaching preschoolers to share it a year long journey!
There are everyday challenges in the preschool classroom and this is a huge one!
No matter how many times you remind them to share or take turns, the preschool tug-o-war continues.
It feels pretty challenging even if it IS developmentally appropriate, for sure!
What’s a teacher to
do? We need to remember that it is our
role, as the adult in the room, to help guide our children through the
situations they face in the classroom each day--not prevent it or punish for
Sure, we certainly
should know what triggers children to react negatively and do our best to
provide an environment that does not create negative behavior.
We can provide multiples
of popular toys and materials. We can provide a space in the
classroom to build that super high block structure that is not in the
middle of the room and, therefore, in the major path of traffic. There
are many other areas we can observe, assess and do.
Most importantly, we need to be teaching preschoolers to share not just telling them to do it!
Today I want to suggest something you should STOP doing. Now.
Stop using words like
"Take Turns" or "We share the toys in school" and
start showing them what that actually means! There's a big difference between telling preschoolers to share and teaching preschoolers to share!
We tend to think they
know what it means to share or take turns, mostly because we or their parents
have said it day in and day out!
But really, have we ever
taken the time to really explain and show what those words mean? Have we
taken the time to think about what those words mean versus how we apply them to
What we sometimes have
shown them is that sharing means relinquishing what they have to another child
and that a person's turn is over when an adult says so, not because a person is
done using an item.
I mean, let's face it,
if you have 12 cars in front of you, you can share with me.
If you have 1 car in front of you, short of cutting it in half, you can't
And, if you have
the one car I want to use, we can take turns.
However, what does that
mean? Usually the teacher sets a timer for 5 minutes and tells you that
when the timer goes off, it's my turn.
But what if you are
having that car go up that crazy, awesome block ramp you just built and it has
to drive through the (imaginary) snow and mud to get to the top.
Now....you must decide......will it go down the ramp or will it use its
transformer wings to fly out of the snowstorm?
Right when you are
decided the fate of this car, the timer goes off and you are told that it's MY
turn to use it. BUT--YOU WEREN'T DONE USING IT YET!
I used the timer method
for a long time until I realized that it's not up to me to decide when or how
long a child's turn is. It is up to the person using the item!
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Let's say another adult
in your home is using the one laptop in the house. They are sending an
email or writing a paper. If you ask them if you can use the
laptop (aka: have a turn) when they are done, what happens?
Most likely they respond
with "Sure!", they finish their email or paper and let you know when
they are done, right?
Would you ever set a
timer for 5 minutes and, when the timer goes off, go over to that person, take
the laptop out of their hands and say "Timer went off--my turn."?
Of course not!! The
person who is using the laptop knows when they are done.
It shoud be handled the SAME WAY with children!
happily with potential flying car in the block area.
Me: I want to use
You: But I'm using
it right now.
Me: But you've had
it for a gazillion minutes. MISS TEACHER! She won't let me use the
Teacher: You need
to share (or you need to take turns)!
You: Well, it's my
turn right now!
Me: But I want a
Teacher: We'll set
the timer for 5 minutes and then it will be Cheryl's turn.
This is the typical
Instead, it is my belief
that we need to let the child decide when their turn is over. It might be
in 5 minutes; it might be at clean up time. If that happens, you can
always put a note on the toy or item that says "Cheryl's turn is
tomorrow" and let me use it first tomorrow.
We need to approach
every challenge as an opportunity to teach problem solving skills, including
what sharing really means. And what taking turns really means.
Children cannot learn to
negotiate problems if they are not allowed to have them.
Summary: When Teaching Preschoolers To Share - Let Them Struggle a Bit!
No, I don't mean "duke it out in the playground"! And I also don't mean teacher intervention.
What I mean is, simply put, this:
Children cannot learn to negotiate problems if they are not allowed to have them.
So stop taking away the toys that "cause problems" and start giving the tools children need to negotiate through these life skills they will use forever called Sharing and Taking Turns!
Hey there! Welcome to Preschool Plan It! I’m Cheryl, a preschool teacher of over 20 years.
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